Lighten Up

It’s all I think about. The crushing anxiety that the crisis brings to bear far outweighs any levity in my life. I’m constantly checking my phone, opening and closing AP News, BBC, Reuters, Reddit, New York Times, and Twitter. The instability is mounting and I find myself crawling towards the geopolitical drama like some bipedal moth: dusty, drawn to brightness and heat, and without any passion but for that which I am drawn to. 

I think about leaving my house. Going for a walk in the neighborhood. Calling up an old friend. Grabbing a pizza or beer. But it has all lost its charm. Which is ludicrous to me. Nothing in my life has changed. Sure things tens of thousands of miles away are looking pretty shitty, but that’s what the world is like. Everyday. So, is it just the media attention? Is this crisis more significant than others? Sure. The president said it was the largest mobilization of the military in Europe since WWII. 

I like to think this might be the end. That the absurdity of life will find be vindicated in a white-hot blaze of atomic light. All the bills, family drama, achievements, and celebrations will be for nothing. Because there will be nothing. And from nothingness, nothingness is begot.